Its Okay

I'm so sorry Sonny <3
I can't pretend to understand what you're going through.. but I know that God understands. You must feel like all of this is a heavy weight on your shoulders, but I know that God can lift that off of you if you give it to Him. Don't rely on your own strength to help you feel better, just give all of your burdens to Him and He will comfort you. "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." - Matthew 11:28-30

I wish I could do more for you, because I know you need someone to listen to you and to comfort you. Just know that God is always there to listen, He knows the full extent of what you're going through, and with time He will heal you if you place the burden on Him and ask Him to help you. I can relate a lot to not wanting to bother anyone by making them listen or comfort me. Sometimes I still don't know what to do, but I know that I DO need comfort and I DO need someone to listen. Don't be afraid just to ask people close to you. They might even enjoy being the person to help you. But when there is no one else, God is always there to listen and comfort you. He knows your troubles before you speak them and before you even know them yourself. Go to Him, and you will find rest.

And don't ever feel guilty for crying or feeling pain about this. Others are hurting too, yes, but you are hurting a great deal. Others' pain does not invalidate yours. Your feelings are just as real, just as difficult, and just as valid as anyone else's. Anything telling you otherwise should be ignored.

Let yourself grieve. I know you want to be strong for everyone, but nobody in their right mind is expecting you to be able to stand up and carry every else through this. It's affected you just as much as it's affected everyone else. Sometimes we just have to go through the difficult feelings so we can accept what happened and find peace again, knowing that God is with us through it all and that He will pull us through it. Don't pretend like you're not hurting, because that will only make things hurt for longer. It's 100% okay to be so affected by this. Any right-minded person will understand if you're feeling depressed. You don't have to scream it from the rooftops and tell everyone the full extent of how you feel, but you don't have to hide it either. It's totally understandable for this to affect you so greatly. Even if you can't get past being worried about burdening other people with your needs, don't forget that you can always go to God. He really is listening and He really will give you the peace you desire. Just put your trust in Him that He will make things right. "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." - Proverbs 3:5-6